WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

There is a dangerous killer on the loose, and we’ve just discovered that he or she has been attempting to strike the Russ-Weinstein household for some time now.

It all started this morning, when we noticed a sweet, burning smell in the basement.

We never suspected fowl play.

Imagine our surprise this evening when our furnace repairman dumped five pounds of sticks and twigs from our furnace exhaust pipe! Carbon monoxide had been venting from our furnace into our house all day.

Luckily, we’ve commissioned an artist (Google Images) to reproduce a likeness of the suspect:

Image

This is not the first time a chimney swift has attempted to disrupt our otherwise happy lives. In the summer of 2012, Josh was repeatedly threatened and dive-bombed by an irate swift at Century Air who had taken up residence in the now-deceased Twin Comanche (may it rest in peace).

Please, if you see this somewhat adorable cold-blooded killer gripping the edge of a chimney or local stone wall in a fascinatingly dexterous kind of way, or building an intricate nest with its sticky saliva (what the heck, Mother Nature?!) do not approach the suspect. Instead, consult a local wildlife guide, or, like me, forget that this feathered beast tried to kill you and spend your afternoon furiously searching for You Tube videos of their incredible aerial feats, because these guys are really flippin’ cool.

This entire entry has been a PSA brought to you by our furnace guy, who informed us that carbon monoxide detectors are best mounted low on the wall, because carbon monoxide settles.

SAFETY FIRST!

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