COSMICALLY BAD IDEAS AT THE WRITER’S TABLE

Found this gem in the Montclair ADP Center yesterday:

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“But how will we convince children that drugs are a bad idea, Harry?”

“I’ve got it. We’ll tell the heartwarming yet educational story of an innocent blonde boy who just wants to fit in.”

“So he joins a gang?”

“God, no! He joins ‘the gang’. Our target audience is suburban school districts run by old white people who have only seen minorities on TV.”

“Excellent. But one problem, Harry. We can’t actually show preadolescents using drugs on our miniseries.”

“This is a tough one.”

“I know.”

“It would be easier if there was some kind of literary device we could use to represent drugs without showing them, you know?”

“Literary device? Like personification, Harry?”

“Yes, Frank, you’re a genius! We can hire actors to pretend to be alcohol and marijuana! Actors are all on drugs, anyway.”

“Great idea, Harry. Now we need a mentor for our preadolescent boy.”

“Yes. Like a father figure.”

“Or a mother figure.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Frank.”

“You’re right. Sorry.”

“I’ve got it! Who’s everyone’s favorite dad right now?”

“Hmm. Favorite dad. Let me think… ”

“Think sweater vests, Frank.”

“Oh! Cliff Huxtable!”

“Exactly. But, Frank?”

“Yes, Harry?”

“We’re going to do something no one’s ever done before.”

“What’s that?”

“Our Bill Cosby will be dressed in vaguely African robes. And, here’s where it gets good: he’s going to be magical.”

“See, this is why I like working with you, Harry. This is cutting edge stuff.”

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